I'd rather be in Bohol

I'd rather be in Bohol for a week off.
Escaping to White Island, battling the waves instead of issues.
Having a toasty tan under a warm morning sun, instead of freezing in icebox of an office.
Sleeping off under the sussurating breezes, instead of another overtime tinkering on the web.

I have a week off indeed
An escape indeed, but battling boredom as i battle to breathe
Not in an icebox, but in a cool white room in a hospital block
Trying to sleep with gentle nudges when the nurses knock

I tried not to be here...
Proud of my good health, the 5k runs started when I was 51
No hospitalization alone, since my last ones were having my kids born

I have to humbly concede
That during these golden years,
Despite fruits of my push to succeed
I realize when the mind clears
I can ask for a hand
I can sing with the band
It's ok to so say no
Go with the flow
Positive is constructive
Enjoy the care and love
And be grateful to God above.

MAD JOURNEY

Is it a descent into insanity or redemption from the blah?

After coming out of the closet with my Arnel Pineda madness, I found myself in another world, among new friends, and using a new language and having a new identity. Talk about reinventing yourself.

As I told a new friend, finding my secret vice in posted in different websites and viewed by thousands is the equivalent of having your clothes ripped off, but still wearing the bikini. After the initial feeling of shame (about 3 seconds), I realized I have nothing more to hide, and relished the feeling of jumping off a cliff again but knowing that I was tethered to a bungee cord.

And what a journey it has been.

For instance, I have come across as a serious Ma'am, devoted to the technical aspects of work, but just the other day, I had to stifle my giggles and face a staff to correct his proposal on the Development of a Yada Yada System, because I just posted "Let's drink to that! Give me another round" in a cyber LUAU to celebrate another of the Arnel Pineda moments. I really wanted this staff to get out of my office pronto because I wanted to know what the other delusional fans are wearing and if they had a glorious massage on the virtual beach with a virtual hunk, and I really wanted to get drunk, virtually.

Since I am still bound to my desk, I live vicariously through those who have met, kissed, hugged Arnel Pineda. I could not get enough of their pictures and videos. Oh my, I will confess to going gaga over the GQ picture of Arnel Pineda with Open Arms and Open Legs. Notice his sexy eyes and pouty lips. Aaaahh!

This is insane. So insane that I lost another 5 pounds, not just by viewing YouTube clips but by joining three simultaneous forums devoted to Arnel Pineda and Journey.

I have met the top posters of various fora on Journey and Arnel Pineda and learned that I was just a pipsqueak compared to their encyclopedic knowledge, passion and devotion to my new idols. They are the Gods - they are omnipresent, omniscient, do not sleep, and relish all things Arnel Pineda and Journey. One is a god who expostulates, or rather, "writes long treatises, sometimes digresses and pontificates a lot" , but whose wise posts on the lore of Journey and the band's "Journiacs" and technical aspects of drum kits have initiated me to a new community of Faithful Ones. The other is a Goddess with a marvelous 'Fro, encouraging her members to be Free Birds, to let go of inhibitions in proclaiming adulation to Arnel Pineda.

Then there are the other ladies who whisper in personal messages, "Are you who I think ..?" Oh, yes, my dear, hiding under a new identity. Never mind that I meet with your bosses, or that your office-mate is a colleague of mine. We are all FANS of Arnel Pineda. And they are so relieved, and so am I, their secret is safe with me.

Speaking of new identities, I marvel at the various aliases my new friends have taken for themselves usually with variations of JRNY, AP, SP, Arnel and mind-boggling avatars and signatures from license plates, tattoos, pussy cats, Angelina Jolie, and meez variants in all hairstyles and hair colors. They enjoy threads to posts on what toothpaste Arnel Pineda uses or what hairstyle best suits him or what underwear AP or Neal Schon prefers. And heaven help you if you dare impose your claim on who is the better singer....because the flames of wrath will engulf you. And they share their stories, their opinions, their foibles, their antics and even their food to everyone in the forum.

Oh what a life! Lately, I found myself smiling more, despite the humdrum and mundaneness of my work, rediscovering the soundtrack of my youth, living life to the full.

Then the guilt creeps in with the demands of work, reality, human tragedy all around. And here I am, embracing Journey and Arnel Pineda with Open Arms.

But with my new life, I have a different take on reality and virtual life.

My new friends are also professionals, managers, doctors, nurses, computer geeks, teachers, life savers, mothers, fathers trying to make a living in a recession-threatened economy, striving to give the best to their families. Some are working from their homes because of some disability or because they have to take care of their loved ones, some just got home from the war. Many are far from home, making a lonely living in foreign shores just to bring something back to their families. My fellow delusionals occupy various time zones and hide their homesickness behind wacky posts.

Oh yes, we are normal people, who deal with our work with utmost professionalism, who care about the real world, who are the real economic power of the market, and who have no intention of abdicating this responsibility and power for frivolity.

The drama of real life is there, and we are not about to deny it, but we need respite, camaraderie, encouragement, some WIX-dom, some wackiness, virtual parties, laughter, LOL, LMAO, and the forthcoming Revelation Album. We all confess to being afflicted with this madness, this sickness of loving Journey and AP. And we are not going to give up the joys that our devotion to the life-affirming songs and stories of Arnel Pineda and Journey have brought to our lives.

We Will Rock the World!
Go Arnel! Go Journey!

My secret vice

After keeping it a secret for months, i will finally come out and admit --- I am a fan of Arnel Pineda, the new front man of Journey, the 80's band.

I lost five pounds after a crazy crazy day of not eating followed by a sleepless night just watching Youtube videos of Arnel singing all the rock hits -- enough to get me back in shape to don a bikini (for which i won second place -- see previous post).

Look at the evidence:
a new MP3 player just to hear him sing the hits at their Vina Del Mar Concert last February, which i learned to download from a multiply site;
my own comments in various Youtube clips, my own attempts to transcribe a new hit song;
my work seriously in jeopardy because i keep on watching Youtube instead of minding my own documents;
i wake, sleep, eat, commute with Arnel Pineda singing; my youtube playlist is made of about 30 clips of Arnel singing rock songs from Nirvana, Led Zepellin, Paul McCartney, Sting, Aerosmith
i relish reading all the comments in Youtube, press releases, blogs, and just joined a forum of a group of wacky Arnel Pineda fans (called the deligirls);
the Arnelpinedafans website is in my bookmarks both in my PC and my cellphone;
The first sites i log in are of course all the sites devoted to Arnel Pineda and Journey;
i visit Kevin Shirley's website just to learn some more;
I have learned the lyrics of many of the Journey songs, and have even made a file to know from which albums the hits came from;
I count the days when the new Journey album will come out and hope i can get my own copy;
I am saving for the planned concert here in Manila. And so on.

What has become of me?
Well, turns out i am not alone, a lot of girls have been smitten too -- middle aged matrons like me, young beauties, grannies, Filipinas and Chileans(?)and Americans and what have you. Many Filipinos abroad have made Arnel Pineda their own symbol and have made it a point to defend him from all detractors.

But why?
I have been thinking of this for months so i can justify my vice. Maybe it has to do with part of my life when i was transitioning from serious rebellion, to just nonconformity.

Let's see...
In the eighties, i was a fresh graduate working in a non-government agency working with the blind, beginning a new life (you better believe it!), beginning a new love affair, enjoying the booze.
Our office was helping a band of talented blind singers, who called themselves the Inner Vision get gigs in local bars. Four talented guys whose eyes may not see, but whose ears were so sharp and whose voices were astounding. One guy Ray, even made the moves and we had our share of cuddling and smooching (without my beau knowing). Ray was a great singer and so were his bandmates whose names i forget now.

We, my officemates, took it upon ourselves to get the Inner Vision to their gigs. Having a brother who had all the rock albums, i volunteered to transcribe the lyrics so the guys can sing hits by Journey, Supertramp, Steve Miller, Michael Franks, Jim Croce and others correctly. Hell, i know the lyrics of many rock songs, just try me. Our group was there wherever they played, and took the song requests.

During these sessions, my future husband finally got the courage to court me, and with the band playing all the hits, and us downing pitchers of San Miguel Beer all night, how can our love not blossom?

However, i had to stop joining the gigs because i became pregnant and eventually married Alex...So like a devoted mom, i stopped smoking, boozin, and changed the soundtrack of my life to easy pop songs as well as children's songs.

Fast forward a quarter of a century...
Now i am a fit, fun, fabulous widow enjoying celibate life.
The three kids are grown up
I have a career with its glory and gore...

And now Arnel sings...

Is it because the song, Don't Stop believin resonates in my being for having been blessed with so many miracles? Or that Faithfully is an anthem of the loves of my life? Or that Open Arms is one of the songs i always ask Ray to sing for me because of his rich tenor voice? Or that the rhythms of the rock beat keep me bouncing with life? Or that the rock songs Arnel sings are part of the soundtrack of my youth? Or that i finally realized after he was gone that i first fell in love with Alex because he wields a mean guitar and that we both enjoy rock music?

Or that it was also the time Arnel Pineda was trying to get into Yjos that our bands have met in the old Shakey's New Frontier? Not knowing that while i was trying to get four blind guys to the mainstream of society, one kid was trying to get off the streets to earn a living by singing.

In writing this and reminiscing of my young days, i suddenly understand why there are so many Journey fans who have been with shocked with the Filipino upstart who dared to fill Steve Perry's shoes. I realize the truth of Herbie Herbert's words : The whole idea with Journey was songs that started someplace, took you somewhere, and resolved that and brought you back.

Yes, our life is a Journey...
We started in one place, dreaming our dreams, carrying a vision...
We were faced with changes, welcome or unwelcome ...
We had our heartbreaks, disappointments, struggles...
We had our triumphs, our drunken nights...
We made friends, broke up, gained and lost trust, lost track...
We saw our own families break up, fight, or maybe reconcile,
We had our friends leave, loved ones die...
We had many beginnings and now we are beginning to face the pre-departure area...
Our parents are getting old, our kids are starting a new life...
Sometimes we had closure, many times we were left with many unanswered questions.
And most of all, we are given wonderful miracles and answers to our fervent prayers..

All this wisdom and nonsense...

All because Arnel Pineda sang Faithfully and caught the attention of Neal Schon, my life has forever changed.

Go Arnel! Go Journey!
Rock the World!

A proud moment

Graduation time, another daughter finishing university! And for the first time in our clan, a Cum Laude graduate from the University of the Philippines.

So proud! All relatives, friends, e-mail groups were duly notified.

Vida has always been the genius of the family, serious, focused, sometimes living in another level of consciousness, the true middle child.

She has always astounded us with her academic prowess -- to the point that she didnt want any attention, didnt want to be part of any school organization let alone be a class officer. Imagine to my surprise that she finished Valedictorian in her elementary school at JASMS!

Then off to St. Theresa's College where the nuns really gave a first class education, with first class tuition fees. Thanks to God, her finishing Valedictorian gave her a scholarship for the first year. The four years in STC honed her as a lady and as a student. Although during her senior year she admitted to having mental block for one examination, she nonetheless finished with honors and more importantly was admitted to the University of the Philippines.

In UP where she took up Economics, she shed off the modesty of STC and ventured into the UP campus in shorts and skimpy tops. Oh well! What can a fashionista mom do?
She accepted a position at the AISEC and went on seminars while her own mom was out of town. I could only glance at her notes, the bewildering equations in economics and mathematics, and be awed at how she was able to sail with all the math thrown her way. I also noted that she failed Physical Education once!

So like a nonchalant mom, i supported her, gave her money when she needed it, gave very few direct advice, kept my tongue in calling her attention to her secret cigarette habit.. And hoped and prayed and trusted that God will take care of her.

Then one day, during her grandma's birthday, i asked her, are you finishing with honors? Yes, but only cum laude. Huh? Well, she said it will be quite difficult mathematically to gun for magna cum laude. Oh! And besides, there will be four who will graduate summa cum laude from her batch. What?!

But still i could not believe it. She had a failing mark in PE... Is she just humoring me?

Then the much awaited Recognition Day came around, I made sure to make a fuss and shepherded her to the nearest salon where we both got made up.

A the UP Theater, i eagerly grabbed the nearest programme -- sure enough she graduated cum laude, along with 46 others, and 18 magna cum laude graduates, and four summa cum laude (although one is under protest)and with only five graduates who did not make it to the honor roll. It was truly a very talented and focused batch.

I can never forget the moment when i slipped the medal on her neck. Her siblings were equally proud of her

And on the University Graduation, we braved the scorching sun to witness about 700 honor graduates among the more than 3,000 Centennial Graduates parade through the UP Sunken Garden. We shared the moment of pride with other parents and relatives.

Then it hit me -- three generations in our house, three generations of UP graduates.
I really savor the moment.

So, what can i say? That it pays to be a nonchalant mom who goes home late at night, hardly looking at her kids? That it pays to be a widowed mom focused in her career hoping that the professional outlook will rub off in her kids? That it is better to rear kids without household help and expect them to do chores and be responsible for their lives? That it is in the water -- with a whole family of UP graduates to look up to?

Maybe, but it really needs the power of the Almighty.

Thank you Lord for your blessings.

i'm back!

Hello again,

This is strange, to reveal some of your soul to cyberspace -- it is like facing the sea on top of a cliff, and letting yourself be vulnerable.

Vulnerable
That is the secret me.

Insecure.
REALLY! insecure?
No way! they say -- you are such a powerful gutsy lady. and you just won second place in the bikini open at age 49 coming second only to a 20 year old lass?!
No way are you insecure/vulnerable.

yeah, right....
maybe i got through that crazy stuff because i was filled with beer, or maybe i just laughed away the antics just to give everybody a good time.

Now looking at the pictures, the videos, now i feel truly vulnerable. (so much skin! although not bad figure, right?)

Now, talking to my male colleagues, i do not know if the cordiality is due to their own memories of that day at the beach.

And the worst part is that my own 23 year old son saw my multiply site oh no!

So, as usual, i am going to do the gutsy thing.

post a picture of my crowning moment.

enjoy!

A first time for everything

Hello! This is my first time to set up a blog.
Yes! Its a new day, with new promises.

And new beginnings are possible only because of the love of God. A God of second chances.
We may begin with a blank slate,
but eventually we falter, make mistakes, tear up some sheets, injure our knees, have our heart broken, be disappointed because our wishes do not come true.

But still we have the promise of a new day.